Where should I start? You always find it so easy to encourage others, nurture others, and give to others. I want you to know that it is amazing to have a big heart and want to change the world to make it a better place to live in but please my lovely child, do not forget yourself in the process. It is nothing wrong with being selfish and telling other people no while saying yes to you. Do not be concern with their feelings when you say no. If you do not start saying no now, you will not have anything left for yourself.
Baby girl trust me it is truly ok to save something for yourself. You love being different and you love and adore being in church so do not allow the mean things people say to you, put an end to the things you love to do. As you grow up you will continue to go through trials but have no fear because you always bounce back. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met.
No one knows that you were forced to grow up so fast. You felt like you had to take care of your mother along with protecting your siblings. Cocaine took your hero away. You watched your father, your best friend, the strongest man you knew succumb to this evil drug. The very drug he helped others to stop selling and or doing in your family, never would you have imagined that you would lose your protector to the very thing he saved others from. You watched this drug not only destroy him but also destroy your parent’s marriage.
The very person who told me he loved me the most and encourage my dreams ended up telling also telling you that his drugs were more important than you as you pleaded with him to stop. You felt helpless and for the first time you felt hopeless. You could not comprehend how your hero could not shake this habit or did he just love the drugs more. This was your very first heartbreak and you learned quickly how to put up a wall and not allow anyone to get to close.
During this time, you also learned how to put on a mask and put on a fake happy face because Mom always said, “what happens in my house stays in my house!” You felt bad for lying to people in the church and one day broke down and just shared a little of the truth. You simply wanted someone older to help your mom because you were tired of seeing her tears and once again felt powerless.
Every decision and or move you make it is to protect someone you love and do not be surprised if they misunderstand your decisions. Not everyone will see that you are simply trying to help them out of love and only operating from what you know. There are going to be countless of times that you feel powerless but please remember beautiful that your power is in your prayers and love. Your power is in your will to NEVER GIVE UP.
For every time you feel powerless remember how strong you are. You never thought that you would survive a lost of unborn child, a son that you prayed hard for. You never thought you would go through a divorce, but you go through it with grace. You never thought that you would experience so much heartbreak, loss, and betrayal. Guess what, you face all these things heartbreaking things and always find a way to recover. So, if there ever come a day when you feel powerless, remember that there is NOTHING in this world that can keep you down and out.
It is ok to cry, it is ok to lose, it is ok to feel powerless, it is ok to not be ok. Do not ever forget that you come from strength, beauty, and grace. Do not ever forget that you are strength, beauty, grace, and most importantly LOVE.
Never stop Loving yourself. Never stop being you! Never stop getting up. Finally, do not lose yourself in loving others.
P.S. Your girls are watching you so continue to shine through the storms of life Queen.