I know there are multiple doors you have avoided opening. I know there are many emotions you have avoided expressing or even feeling. I understand you have been through so much. Losing your father at 11 wasn't easy; he would have taught you how to drive the minute your legs could reach the pedals, he would have persistently asked about the boys in your life and offered a million reasons why he needs to meet them, he would have thrown you a "sweet 16" because of the love but really, mostly to brag about his only daughter. I truly understand that you have more sorrowful days than joyous. Losing your mother at 16 (after burying her five siblings who were your uncles and aunts whom loved you so much) was painful; she would have been so proud of you after you graduated from varsity, she would probably be terrorising you about giving her a grandchild already even though she would not want to be called 'granny', she would have cried after hearing that her only daughter was the first African to partake in an editing programme in the U.S. I know that sometimes it may all seem like a dream, a pure figment of imagination but then hastily, reality creeps in on you; you begin to hyperventilate, hot flushes leaving you wondering whether you're a miracle being who experiences menopause at such a young age, your vision becomes scrambled even with your glasses on. I know at 23 you lost your maternal grandma, the person who raised you after your mother's death. I know that you're still struggling with all of this but you know what? Nothing beats being truly present to feel every sombre, terrifying, exciting, painful moment. You have a beautiful heart that has seen a stranger's gratitude after being kind towards them. You have amazing friends who randomly tell and show you they love you. You have watched and felt the pain of a friend's tears. You missed your grandma's call and unfortunately a few minutes afterwards she was involved in a car accident and did not make it - you were her last thought. The beauty of life, no, the silver lining of life is literally being present enough to learn, feel and live it; even with its heartbreaking moments.
You're one of the most resilient people I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know. I have incredible love for you, I may not show it a lot but, sis, I love you tremendously. And THANK YOU!